Personal Stories

Through a Child’s Eyes

orange street-lamp sherbert,
an ice-cream cone right
outside my window, because daddy
I’m a little kid and I
love to love the world
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Higher—A Story About Playgrounds

I remember you used to push
me
on the swingset
higher higher higher
so high I could see the
rose garden down the pretty path
I’d laugh and scream and you’d push
me
far too hard
but I wasn’t worried about falling
because you would’ve caught me,
I thought
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Withdrawal (from a person)

withdrawal from a person
is different from a
drug—it is the
scratch of a rusty
house key with the message
“bitch” in
pretty red letters but you’ve gotta
turn the key, sweetie, so
what’s left
for me to
unlock?
what’s left for me to
scratch up?
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Tip of My Tongue—a story of repression and remembrance

Every single thing I’ve ever known is just barely stuck at the tip of my tongue
Three years of shoving a body’s worst tragedy
Into the dusty boxes at the back of a cobwebbed cluttered room
Can do that to a person’s mind
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How to Ride a Bike—And Other Things my Father Taught Me

1) Fearing someone is a necessary part of loving them. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you will find someone who will tolerate loving you.

2) Never rely on anyone for comfort. The person who wipes away your tears can just as easily be the person who causes them.

3) Food is a weapon.

4) Hands are weapons.

5) Your own vulnerability will be used against you as a weapon.

6) These weapons will be used to harm you until you don’t know the meaning of the word “weapon” anymore. They will be used to harm you, repeatedly, even after an apology. Apologies can not be trusted. As such, weapons should be avoided at all costs.

7) Pain is sometimes a necessary punishment for bad behavior. If there’s no one around to hurt you for what you’ve done, then you must hurt yourself.

8) How to ride a bike.

9) How to recognize the constellations.

10) How to build whole worlds with just your words.

11) The person who taught you these things deserves all of your trust.

12) The person who deserves all of your trust will violate it again and again. And you will give it to them again and again anyways.
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Why Do I Only See “Them” on TV? Where am I? The Ramblings of A Baby Dyke (Post 1.) By Josephine D.

I’ve written once in the past for Sophia’s awesome blog, and it started with a poem “The Declaration of Empathy”, but I knew I wanted more than just a poem. You can expect more posts like these, this is the first attempt, the rough freshman attempt, but in a series of many (hopefully). I have so many blog posts, tweets, and all sorts of social media posts rattling around in my head, but none ever seem to come full circle into actually pressing the “Return” key and sending it off into the world.

And that’s because I’m scared. In general I’m a worrisome, terrified, anxious girl, but this fear transcends my normal paranoia. I’m scared to have an honest online presence. I’m sure many people are, but I’m not scared of posting a drunken video to Instagram late at night, I’m scared of death threats and making sure to reveal as little as possible. Even though it’s 2015 (fucking crazy, I know), people are still afraid and assholes about gayness. I would say I don’t blame them, but that would be an outrageous lie, and this post, and all future posts, are about honesty.

I’m still a baby dyke, but in the past months of living my life as a “moderately out” lesbian, I’ve learned soooo much, and even better, I’ve found out that I have so much more to learn. Although, up to this point I haven’t been “out” on social media, I have guzzled every drop of gayness on other people’s blogs, twitters, tumblrs, etc. The problem is that there aren’t young gay girls out there, and those who are out there, browsing Autostraddle late at night, aren’t posting things and I’m guilty of this myself. I see so many cute lesbian couples out there posing and being generally adorable, but where are the young girls posting about the girlfriend they want or the awkward flirting that happened at the one gay event they managed to go to. I can’t find it. I need it. But I don’t just crave it, I think it’s incredibly important.

I’m going to go on what seems like a bit of a tangent but trust me it’ll come full circle. When I was in first grade, I planned on marrying my best friend, Tara (not her real name), and I was firm in my belief that this was what I wanted. That was true until I saw the millions of straight people thrown at me, young, old, middle-aged, married, divorced, and unlabeled. I was berated repeatedly by not only the mouths of trusted people, but society, that it was wrong for a six year old girl to marry her best friend. It threatened and scared people even for little girls to be together. Even though I was a very intuitive child, I was not intuitive enough to see through their bullshit.

The point of this tangent is that representation in the media is sooo important. Not just for women, being represented as more than just sex objects. Not just for “real sex” instead of just “hot sex” in the media. But for young queer girls. Please society, I beg you. More. Young. Queer. Girls. In the media. Please.

A note to the young LGBTQ girls out there,

I see you. Lets start a fucking revolution. Tweet with #theyoungqueerrevolution if you’re with me! My twitter handle is @crayjo I’ll try to come out from the social media closet I’ve been hiding in and tweet for you. We are the revolution. We deserve more than sexualization in the media. More than living in a room made for clothes. More than slurs and fear. More than hiding.

You are so fucking loved,

~Josephine D.

Sophia’s note: Josephine, I adore you and you are so courageous. I don’t have any sort of a Twitter but someone better make this hashtag go viral. Thank you for this post, and I hope we’ll see a lot more from you!! xoxo