Things that I want/desperately need: A lesbian guidebook. I need this. So. So. Desperately.
I’ll give you an example of a time I could have used this. Last week I was invited to this big all ages sober queer dance party. Sounds fucking amazing right? Well I didn’t want to go. It was Friday, I was tired, Parks and Rec exists, I was worrying about risking a guaranteed good night for a possibly amazing but possibly awful night, bla bla bla, life right?
I was so worked up about whether or not to go by the time it started I had already broken down in tears twice and danced to Ke$ha while sobbing (normal friday night for me). If I had been able to just flip to the index of my Lesbian Guidebook, find “All ages queer sober dance party: To go or not to go…”, and read a page saying “Calm the fuck down…” I could have been off to the party or off to my Parks and Rec marathon by 5:30PM.
This may seem like advice that I could get from anyone gay or straight young or old, but i don’t want advice. Trust me, I get a lot of it, i know. I want a handbook. If there’s a printed book I know other people are going through the same things that I am. This is one of my biggest struggles in life and for my friends as well, feeling like my feelings and experiences are wrong.
And this constant wondering if I’m normal or different or super insanely fucked up is… (I’m trying not to judge my feelings so I won’t say “bad”) but it’s hard. Really really hard. Whenever I watch TV or read a book, or see a movie, or read an article, I always think “Oh other people do that too!” and the relief that washes over me is an unprecedented amount of relief that could only be created by a deep well of self-loathing.
This experience of “Oh, same, me too!” is amazing, but often rare, so I write this to tell you, and other versions of me: “I do it too. You’re unique and beautiful and amazing, but also you’re normal, your experiences are 100% yours and 100% okay no matter what. I do some crazy shit too, so stay strong, let yourself break down every once in a while, and remember you’re loved.”
Hit me up on twitter @crayjo and tweet with #100percentme