I am so, so sorry to hear that you are hurting.
I can’t imagine a person as kind as you being so unhappy and it breaks my heart. But please feel free to vent to me whenever you need it. I entirely understand. Sometimes, everything just gets to be too much. You’re not alone in that. I know the exact feeling you mean. The littlest things can make such a gigantic difference, and you have to take a second to just breathe every once in a while.
While on one hand I know the exact kind of fear you mean–the fear that nothing you do will amount to anything–on the other hand, I know you have absolutely nothing to worry about. I could go on for hours about how much I can see ahead of you. You could do whatever you want with your life and I really, truly mean that. I get the exact same fear and it’s. . . it’s suffocating. But if you ever get the chance, just sit back and think of all the things you’ve accomplished. You’ve got such an amazing future, I promise you.
The universe has big plans for you, I’m positive.
Dying doesn’t just erase all the bad things that might happen to you in your future, it erases all of the good ones, too. And I promise, there are so, so many good things.
I really mean that. You’ve got so much to look forward to and it might not seem like that right now. It might not seem like that for a long time. But there was a time when you were happy and I know there will be again. Probably sooner than you think.
Melissa, I told you all of this in a text message before you went to bed a few minutes ago, and now I’m telling you again. I will tell you these things every minute of every day for the rest of our long and amazing lives if I have to. You’ve got your whole life, your whole existence ahead of you. And just because it’s been too, too long since you’ve been happy does not mean there isn’t happiness left.
Melissa, you are one of my best friends, and the kindest person I have ever had the amazing privilege to know. Everything about you is so beautiful and I’m going to make sure that some day, you see that as much as I do.
Please keep fighting, babe. You’re one of the best people this world has to offer. I love you so, so much.