I’m not trying to lose weight. Swear to god, cross my heart and hope to die, I’m not. I guess I’m just not trying to avoid losing weight, either.
I’ve had barely any appetite, although it has been coming back. I’ve been eating enough—I just eat until I’m full, basically, and that seems good enough for me.
But I worry myself. When I step onto the scale and see I’ve lost x amount of weight over the course of y days, my first thought is “Shit, I need to eat more.” But that thought is quickly followed by “Well at least I still look hot.”
And I do look hot, if you’re into the whole oh my god why do her hip bones stick out so far type of thing.
Lately, I just haven’t been eating as much. If I eat too much, I feel like I’m gonna be sick. Not as in I wanna make myself sick—I’ve never been a purger—but often I feel that if I eat any more I will become actually, physically ill.
Apparently, it’s more noticeable than I thought. My mom asked me today if I lost weight; she then asked me if I lost weight on purpose. But I don’t think I look sickly or even all that scrawny. It’s not like I’ve even got a flat stomach.
I’m not losing weight on purpose. I will swear up and down until the end of time that I am not trying to make myself skinny.
I just don’t know what’s wrong with me.