I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
I’ve had barely any appetite in the past few days. I’ve lost a bit of weight—not enough to be noticeable, but enough to seriously freak me out.
The pain has been off and on for a couple weeks. It started out as this sharp, infrequent pain in my right collarbone. Then the pain spread to the left collarbone, and then to my chest. It started to come a lot more frequently and last for a significantly longer time. But it hasn’t really been that bad—I just assumed it was from carrying a heavy backpack.
Yesterday, it spread to my ribs.
Every single one of my ribs felt like it was on fire for almost eight hours, although the intensity varied. At some points, it felt like I couldn’t move at all. At others I could go downstairs and get myself a glass of water. For a long time, I felt like if I took a deep enough breath, my bones would crack.
I didn’t want to tell my dad—his immediate reaction would probably be “I really don’t feel like taking you to the hospital. You should just wait for it to pass.” Then maybe I’d insist the pain was really bad and we’d have a screaming match and he’d finally take me to the hospital. But I didn’t feel like I was in any sort of state for that screaming match, so I just laid in bed.
I was also worried that it would end up being nothing—brought on by stress or strain or the fact I haven’t been eating much lately—and that I would’ve gone to the hospital for absolutely nothing.
I called a good, old friend, who I’ve known since the first day of fifth grade, and told him I was sort of freaking out and I needed him to distract me. We talked about our lives and our decisions, all the way up into the present, and by the time the conversation was over, the pain had passed and I hadn’t even noticed.
The pain was mostly gone this morning, replaced by a very dull pressure behind my eyes. I went to the nurse’s office and she said I probably was just really intensely stressed out, as well as anxious. Basically I’m just supposed to rest.
The pressure went away at some point during the second half of the day, and now the pain’s back (but a lot more mild than before). I have a doctor’s appointment next week but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do until then.
So between my weird health thing and Christmas, don’t expect a whole ton of posts. I’ve been feeling like crap lately. Hopefully, it’s just the (really awful) weather.